What is this motorbike singing to me?
And more reasonable questions about a talking motorcycle
I don’t have kids, but I understand that at some point, life becomes an endless series of questions. Why is the sky blue? Where do babies come from? What happens when we die? Is my talking motorcycle… British?
The questions never really stop, even as we become adults and grow old, which is why here at Night Water, I attempt to answer any and all questions that come my way. Have a question I can help with? Send me an email or write a comment below. (And check out the full archive of Night Water mailbag issues to see just how much I can help you with.)
- Matt
Matt, thanks for writing in. You might remember Matt from his guest post on Japanese city pop for us earlier this year.
Matt’s question came with video material for review:
The video depicts a small plastic motorbike toy with a bright, smiling face singing a beautiful, indecipherable tune in British English (you know it’s English because the toy helpful announces “English!” before launching into the song). Matt’s son received the motorbike as a gift from his grandmother, who lives in Slovakia (Matt notes that the motorbike speaks Czech and Hungarian in addition to “English!”).
While I’m not British, I do live in the United Kingdom and am confronted with the reality of British accents every day, making me a prime candidate for decoding these lyrics.
Matt had the latter half of the song down—“Let’s have an adventure / Ready, set, go!” followed by some motorbike engine sounds. But opinions on the first half varied. Matt thought it might be “We set up the gang and set up the blokes,” I thought maybe the bike was going to go pick up the blokes, and a small cult started gathering near Matt’s house, claiming that it was a verse in an ancient tongue, which, if you played it enough times, would awaken the beast Leviathan.
It was a great mystery that could not be solved by merely listening to the tune over and over again, each play pushing us closer to utter destruction from the awakened sea demon. The speakers on the motorbike toy are too tinny, the file embedded in its plastic body is too compressed. There was only one true solution to this mystery: go to the source and find the original song.
Luckily, being based in the UK, Googling “motorbike kids toy” followed by the clarification “motorbike kids toy talking” quickly led me to an Amazon.co.uk listing for the “Clementoni 59017.9 Talking Motorbike, Colourful,” which looked to be an exact match for the motorbike in the video. I had to be sure though—I skimmed the description for the item on Amazon:
“The motorbike supports the child when learning the letters and numbers.” Hmm, there were letters on the motorbike in the video, but I didn’t see much support occurring.
“Many mechanical and interactive elements.” Hmm, there did appear to be interactive elements, though what self-respecting motorbike toy wouldn’t have interactive elements?
“The motorcycle can talk.” That’s it. That clinched it for me. This must be the same motorbike.
Unfortunately, the Clementoni 59017.9 Talking Motorbike, Colourful was no longer available for purchase from Amazon, and there was no additional information on the page that could help clarify the lyrics to its tune. (There was a review from a German purchaser in 2018. 5 stars, “From order to delivery, everything is fine.” High praise.)
So I moved on to Clementoni themselves, a toy brand that, up until this point, I was unfamiliar with, but produces a wide variety of toys, board games, puzzles, science kits, face art studios, street magic starter sets, robots, and marble runs. But as I pored over their site, I couldn’t find the talking motorbike.
Clementoni had an email address listed in their website footer, and while I wasn’t particularly optimistic that I would receive a response, I wrote to them that day:
“Hi there. I’ve picked up a Baby Clementoni Talking Motorbike (possibly model number 59017.9) and am finding it hard to decipher the lyrics to the little song it plays. It sounds something like, ‘We did up the gangs and picked up the blokes, let’s have an adventure, ready, set, go!’ But I can’t be certain. Any chance you have the script or original audio files still on hand and can help decipher?”
I waited. I imagined Matt pacing back and forth at home, wondering what hellish message he’d set upon his child by bringing this talking motorbike into his home. I wondered what other leads I could follow if Clementoni’s customer support did not write back to me. Could parent Facebook groups help track down other owners of the motorbike for their take on the lyrics? Should I turn to Reddit to find Clementoni employees willing to break into the archives? If I just walked the streets of London playing the video to strangers, would one of them, eventually, hit on the correct lyrics?
Luckily, I didn’t have to follow through on any of those plans, as Clementoni wrote back to me the next day with not only the full lyrics but the original song file (a beautiful, uncompressed .WAV) as well:
Here’s the key to start the ignition,
Can you feel the acceleration?
We’ve filled up the tank
and set up the flow.
Let’s have an adventure,
Ready… Set.. GO!
Matt’s motorbike seemed to have lost the first two lines—perhaps a decision to cut down the total length of the song, or an attempt to obfuscate for children exactly how vehicles work. But otherwise, this was it, the answer to Matt’s mystery. No gangs, no blokes, no calls to awaken the sleeping gods below.
Of course, these lyrics raised another question for me: what the hell do you mean, “set up the flow”? The flow of petrol into the tank? Haven’t you already filled it up?
Clementoni is an Italian company (their email was signed “Assistenza Clienti,” which I assume translates to client assistance, though it would be a beautiful given name), and I wondered if this motorbike’s tune was translated from an Italian original, leading to the odd turn of phrase.
I wrote back to my new friend Assistenza with appreciation and a follow-up question: “Were the English lyrics originally translated from Italian or another language? The phrase ‘set up the flow’ stands out as interesting in this context.”
Assistenza wrote back the next day: “Our company, for texts and lyrics translations, works with native speakers and with a London agency.” While Assistenza insisted they were at my disposal for any additional information I required, I couldn’t help but think I’d hit a nerve with my question about translation. Had I discovered the reason that Clementoni 59017.9 Talking Motorbike, Colourful was taken off the market, or was I needling at some other secret relating to the lyrics and the message they were sending to the deep dark below?
No matter. The mystery of “What the fuck is thing saying?” had been solved, thanks to the fine folks at Clementoni. Now all that’s left is to get this song out of my head.
